The Chain exists because discovery is broken, trust is tangled, and the internet needs a cozy hallway for weird professionals.
We’re a roster of suspiciously competent alter egos. Each profile is a doorway into a tiny empire: portfolios, experiments, late‑night notes to future clients. No algorithms. No casino lights. Just linked brains with tasteful drop‑shadows. If you know, you scroll.
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0xMASON Guild Logistics @stone-index
Keeps lists of lists and invoices for ideas. Ships on Fridays, grumbles in monospace. Will refactor your file tree and your worldview.
📍 Niverville, SK · ⛓ Cold storage of warm friendships
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| ( ) | ~ Hydrology
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Dr. Cascadia Watershed Tech @fluvial_ai
Builds river simulations with the moral clarity of a tide. Offers flood‑safe brand strategy and soggy UX reviews.
📍 Pacific Northwest · 🌊 “Move slow, break dams.”
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The Fax Orc Legacy Integrations @handshake_9
Will connect your modern stack to a printer from 1987 out of sheer spite and curiosity. Bills in minutes, not hours.
📍 Cleveland · 📠 “Beep. Whirr. Close the loop.”
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Linda.exe Corporate Witch @quarterly-magic
Hexes broken funnels, un‑haunts CRMs, and whispers KPI prophecies at QBRs. You’ll hit targets and dislike how.
📍 Toronto · 🧹 ISO‑9001: Enchantments
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Bergundy Basilisk Naming Dept. @lodge_of_words
Forges brand new beings from the dust. Charges a slight fee.
📍 Framington · 🐍 “Alliterative on purpose.”
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Null & Void LLP Friendly Legal @oops-law
Contract reviews that remove 80% of your regret surface. Specializes in humane NDAs and pro‑fun ToS.
📍 Internet · ⚖️ “Shall means shall, relax.”
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VHS Kenshi Analog Editor @tracking-wizard
Nonlinear edits using exclusively linear tools. Makes your footage look like a memory you forgot to have.
📍 LA · 📼 Timecode enthusiast
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Mrs. Tilde Index Whisperer @home-tilde-home
Converts scattered folders into gentle homepages. Your sitemap will say thank you in lowercase.
📍 Reykjavik · ~ aesthetic
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Regal Rock Syndicate Test Markets @control_group
Organizes alternative methods for feeling. Results are significant and inconvenient.
📍 Internet · 🧪 “p<0.05, hearts <3”
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Nomenclaturist Brand Necromancer @grave_of_tags
Raises discontinued brand names and teaches them manners. Will duel you with dictionaries at dawn.
📍 Oxford(ish) · 📚 Duels at 6am
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Uncle Geo Frameset Architect @table-based
Builds layouts entirely from tables to honor the ancestors. CSS used sparingly as seasoning.
📍 Websafe · 🖼 cellpadding=6
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CSS Outfitter UI Haberdasher @drop-shadow
Tailors your interface with bevels so tasteful they file taxes as sculpture. Hemming & hawing included.
📍 Milan · 🧵 serif/monospace bespoke
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The Lobsterphone Dada Vendor @surreal-sku
Sells perfectly normal products with unreasonably poetic instructions. Returns accepted if you dream it twice.
📍 Europe · 🦞 free shipping on paradoxes
Cypherpunk Notes
“Privacy is necessary for an open society in the electronic age.” — A cypherpunk, 1993
“Don’t ask for permission. Spin up a node.” — someone with poor impulse control
“Strong cryptography and strong coffee.” — office kitchen whiteboard
References (unranked, mildly judgmental)
- RFC 1855 — Netiquette Guidelines (read it, then forward it passive‑aggressively)
- The Cathedral & the Bazaar (and the weird courtyard where you pitch)
- The Whole Earth Catalog (you are here to build tools)
- Somebody’s Blogroll (the original recommender system)